(One former inmates journey from convicted felon to CEO)That’s a pretty bold statement I know but it is fitting because it’s absolutely true! I will attempt to paint the picture of a past life, littered with drug & alcohol use, exactly how it brought me to my knees, and how One New Heartbeat's WRAP® Facilitators and Mentors provided me with a set of all-encompassing tools that allowed for my health & sanity to be restored. By the time I was 30 years old, I had been using drugs and alcohol for half of my life. I was your typical teenage kid who started smoking marijuana in order to fit in socially and to feel comfortable in my own skin. Drinking was just another socially accepted norm, and for a time it seemed to have enhanced my social functioning, completely overcoming any social anxiety that an adolescent normally experiences. I did not realize that I was playing with fire at the time, because I was genetically predisposed to be an alcoholic-addict like my father before me. I was sure that I was the exception, not the rule. The progression took is easy to see from the outside looking in, but zero visibility into what was going on with me. The progression was: Marijuana & Alcohol (15 y.o.), Hallucinogens (17 y.o.), Cocaine (20 y.o.), Type II Diabetes diagnosis (23 y.o.) Methamphetamine (25 y.o.) Opiates (27 y.o.) Incarceration (30 y.o.). Throughout the course of my active addiction, I was blind to the progression which manifested itself in the form of deteriorated relationships, lost employment opportunities, health consequences (withdrawal seizures, diabetes complications), homelessness and ultimately the loss of my freedom. I found myself in jail, facing some serious time, wondering what my life had become, where it had all gone wrong. I wanted something, anything, to show me how to live, to show me how to be a decent human being. Clearly my way of living, my way of doing things, had not worked. I finally conceded to this fact, but it seemed that I was a day late and a dollar short, because I had come to the point where I had to be locked away from society, from myself. Left to my own devices, I would have surely run myself into the ground. I was both very surprised and desperately grateful to hear that services were being offered within the jail for men who wanted to change their lives. CHOICES a behavior modification program modeled after Delancey Street’s Therapeutic Community graciously took me in and allowed me to finally begin working on myself. The dedicated staff invested time, energy and various resources aimed at my recovery from my alcoholism/addiction. Between all of the 12 step meetings, Relapse Prevention classes, Resume Writing Classes, Breaking Barriers & Communication classes, I really loaded up on all sorts of ideas and concepts which laid way to how I was supposed to maintain my sobriety. One class, however, really taught me how to centralize, map-out, practice and hone-in on a necessary structured routine that I still use to today to keep my recovery alive and well. This class provided me with a hightened level of self-awareness in order to correct unhealthy thoughts which would lead to unhealthy behaviors, before it was too late. “WRAP class”, sounded appealing from the start, because of what it stands for: Wellness (I want it), Recovery (I need it), Action (I can practice it), Plan (tangible, on paper). We were completing our list of Wellness Tools with our awesome facilitator Waynette, and I remember getting excited when she said “Nothing is too big, nothing is too small to go on this list. You can pull from EVERYTHING!”. I had been exposed to so many recovery resources (12 Step AA, 12 Step NA, classes on morals, institutionalization, etc.) that it was so relieving to learn that I could centralize all positive tools in one place from all modalities, and personalize it based on what was clicking with me at that moment in early recovery. Different resources resonate differently with different people the Wellness Toolbox allowed me to capture all of it based on what felt right at the time, all without anyone saying “no, the program is supposed be like this.” The Daily Maintenance List is my all-time favorite because I use this to this day. The concept that I had to do a certain number of key things in order to maintain my mental & physical health was completely new to me, and this couldn’t have come at a better time. By the time I had gotten to jail, my diabetes had progressed to the point of insulin dependence. Needless to say, I was not a fan of poking myself with a needle to administer insulin, nor was I a fan of the rapid drops in my sugar levels, the cold sweats and shaking, all because I was new at managing this disease and jail wasn’t exactly the best environment to learn the ropes. I learned quickly that physical exercise was a critical part of my recovery process, as was maintaining a healthy diet. These were outlined on my Daily Maintenance List as specific tasks, measurable and time-bound so that I could stay on track. With the implementation of this new concept, I eventually needed to get off of insulin because I was finally leveling out to where my body wanted to be. Who would have thought that if I just dieted and exercised that it would be manageable? Well, I knew that this was expected of me as it was explained to me by a doctor 10 years prior, but as we find out in recovery, knowing is simply not enough. Making a list of Triggers was not hard we had discussed this in other classes, both internal and external, emotional and environmental. What I didn’t have was a direct plan of ACTION to take in the event that those triggers came around, or how to even know that I had even been triggered! Cuing in on the signs leading up to the Triggers eventually lead up to my second favorite part of the WRAP: Early Warning Signs. It turns out that my level of self-awareness was pretty low in that I didn’t know what it looked like when I was beginning to get angry, depressed or fearful. There were a number of physical cues that I was able to map out, which would eventually turn into behavioral cues in the later stages. The great thing about knowing my Early Warning Signs is that it is much easier to address the Warning Sign (via the action plan) when you’re aware of it on the front-end, as opposed to winding up in a heated argument with someone and wondering how it even got that far. I learned that my EWS are not as much about the desire to drink or use, as much as they are about irrational thoughts and unhealthy behaviors that eventually lead up to that dysfunctional thinking, inevitably leading me to a place dark and lonely enough to want immediate relief. During the later stages, when things are breaking down, it is imperative that I have a specific action plan to redirect my behavior, specific people that I can trust and count on in the event that I’m way off course - WRAP helped me map this out as well. I was blessed to have a mentor as Waynette taught me WRAP, that she guide me through the process of adjusting my maintenance list as my needs changed, and so today, I continue to adjust this maintenance list but I find that it is basically a part of me and that I don’t really use the paper, it’s in my head! I have a corrective action plan that safeguards against all stages of the relapse cycle and I am extremely grateful to have been taught how to use this all-encompassing plan of ACTION during a time when I was trying to navigate my way through all of the suggestions and resources that are made available in early recovery! Today, I can honestly say that I am happier than I have ever been: Relationships have been restored, trust has been developed, occupational opportunities have been dropped in my lap, professionals depend on me showing up and doing my best every day. Perhaps the most rewarding part of my life today, is that I get to carry the message of hope for those who choose to hear it, I get to be proof positive that change is possible for anyone as today I am a CEO of a multi-million dollar agency !!!!
Current Mentee
